How differently does anxiety manifest itself in girls versus boys? What accounts for such differences?

This May, I hosted a #HealthAMA ("ask me anything") allowing people to ask me any questions on temper tantrums and anger management for kids. You can find all the questions right here, and this summer I've pulled a few to expand on.

Gender differences in anger.

Based on my experience, I often see more boys with anxiety brought in for "anger management" than girls

Learn more about us and why we think Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is awesome!

As a parent, it’s so easy to get overwhelmed when your child is melting down. Today’s guided meditation is designed to help you build some emotional resiliency so you can COPE.

When does anxiety in children become a medical concern?You may notice that your child is a worrier. When you schedule a babysitter, your kid has prepared a list of interview questions to ask the sitter before being ok with it. When you're 5 minutes late to picking them up, they're in tears. They need to walk through any potential problems and come up with five solutions whenever faced with a new situation. You're happy to help! But when is it too much?

When your child is angry, anxious, or easily overwhelmed, you do your best as a parent - and sometimes it feels like too much. That’s where parent coaching comes in.

Parent coaching is a way for you to get direct feedback and advice on how best to manage your child’s behaviors and emotions, along with recognizing the family dynamic. It’s like having a really supportive therapist just for your parenting. And we have a fabulous resource online and in St. Louis - Nicole Schwarz!

For some kids with anxiety and anger management, individual therapy is the best bet. We can work individually to help them build the skills they need to manage their emotions before they feel too big.

For other kids, individual therapy helps, but it’s not enough on its own. That’s where parent coaching comes in.

Read below to learn more about how Nicole works with parent coaching tailored to parenting styles.

I often refer people who are parenting anxious children to Nicole, because of her understanding and empathetic approach. I’m so excited to share this interview with you all!

Why did you choose to become a Parent Coach in St. Louis?

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Parent Coach. I started my career as a therapist working with children, teens, and families because I wanted to provide kids with tools and support early in their development. However, over time, I realized my favorite way to support kids was to empower their parents. I no longer provide mental health therapy, instead focusing on giving parents tools and education through Parent Coaching.

What kind of treatment do you provide?

I provide Parent Coaching which is personalized support, education, strategies, and encouragement to help you parent well through the difficult stages of child development. My coaching philosophy is rooted in Positive or Respectful Parenting, which focuses on brain research, connection, and teaching - rather than consequences or punishments.

So, you’ve thought about it for days, weeks, maybe even months and you’ve decided your kid needs therapy. Now what? How do you talk to your child or teen about attending a therapy session? Read on to learn what strategies work best when talking to your child, and I will also answer FAQs about preparing your child or teen for their first counseling session. 

I worry that if I bring up therapy or counseling, it might make my child or teen feel uncomfortable. 

This is a common fear, and something that can hold parents back from taking a really important step forward. The bottom line is, if you’re wondering if your child or teen needs counseling, you need to start figuring out next steps. If you’re uncomfortable and on the fence about talking with your child about therapy, you can always reach out to a therapist first, to hear more about their process and what they recommend.

After touching base with a therapist, if they feel like a good fit, then you can let your child know, “Here’s what we’re going to try out.” Point out what you’re noticing, and give them time to respond. They may feel like they don’t have a problem, or they may hate the idea of having to see a therapist. That’s ok. Let them know that they have to try it out a few sessions. The more we do something, the easier it feels.

Learn more about child psychiatrists with Dr. Annemarie Loth, MD, “At times, …, when medication and therapy are combined, the child will have better outcomes.”

“Parents are often aware that a divorce or separation will happen well before their children, so this will be brand new information for them to process.” Learn more about supporting anxious kids during divorce with Heather Barnett, MA, LPC, and Chief Program Officer at Kids In The Middle!

It’s okay to dread the holidays.

Holiday season can bring on a lot of anxiety. You might be gearing up for extended family to come stay with you, preparing big feasts, packing for a trip or helping your kids study for their last few finals of the semester. It seems like the last few months of the year always go by the fastest and there isn’t a lot of time to relax. This time can be especially overwhelming for families with divorced parents.

Even if you have a great relationship with your ex, the holidays can bring up a lot of emotions for you and your kids.

There’s no one-size-fits all model when it comes to how to approach the holidays with your kids. Even if you have a custody agreement of where they spend their time, you might notice irritability, angry outbursts, tension and sadness more often than usual. It can be tough and even frustrating at times to get them to “be on their best behavior.”

This month I’m sharing 12 Tips to help parents manage behaviors (and still have fun!) over winter break!

Winter break gives you a lot of unstructured time.

For kids and teens who run a little more anxious or overwhelmed, that unstructured time can lead to stress related behaviors. Yes, there’s a lot of fun to be had with family and presents and dinners and toys… and there’s a lot of potential for overwhelm.

When your kid is overwhelmed and acting out, it can feel like they’re ruining the holidays.

And you maybe feel bad for even thinking that… but the truth is, we put a lot of time and energy into making winter break and winter holidays fun. When things don’t go according to plan, or when we have our little one throwing a huge tantrum in front of your whole extended family, it can feel overwhelming for you as well!

How do we help with this?

We set up a framework for winter break that’s easy for everyone to follow.

Tip 1: Prepare

Tip 2: Set Clear Expectations

Tip 3: Time Management

I specialize in both anxiety and anger management for a reason.

Anxiety and anger have a lot in common. If you've ever experienced feelings of anxiety before, consider those physical cues - racing heart, shortness of breath, dilated eyes, inability to focus or concentrate, muscles tensed and ready for action. 

Now, think about the last time you were angry. How your face felt hot and your fists tensed up. How your heart started to beat faster because you were ready for a fight. Your brain focused only on the thing that made you feel this way.

"From your perspective, what exactly constitutes anger management in children?"

Anger management means helping kids find the tools needed to manage their anxiety, frustration, and temper. I typically utilize CBT to help kids figure out how their thoughts impact their feelings, how their feelings lead to different behaviors, and how they can change that cycle.

Why do kids immediately think the worst about a situation or another child's or teen's actions?

Kids and teens often jump to the worst case scenario when their minds run a little anxious. It’s a self-preservation technique on overdrive. Their anxious mind assumes “so and so pushed me on purpose,” or “those kids laughing in class must be laughing at me,” which leads to a fight, flight, or freeze response.

Your picky eater may be a little annoying.

You go to a restaurant, you bring an extra meal for your kid. You and your partner make dinner, and your little one has a whole separate menu for themselves. You'd rather have them eat something than nothing, but you're a little worried that if they eat another chicken nugget, they're going to turn into one. 

Why are kids such picky eaters?

There are a lot of different reasons that kids can be picky eaters - but part of the underlying issue can be anxiety.