So, you’ve thought about it for days, weeks, maybe even months and you’ve decided your kid needs therapy. Now what? How do you talk to your child or teen about attending a therapy session? Read on to learn what strategies work best when talking to your child, and I will also answer FAQs about preparing your child or teen for their first counseling session. 

I worry that if I bring up therapy or counseling, it might make my child or teen feel uncomfortable. 

This is a common fear, and something that can hold parents back from taking a really important step forward. The bottom line is, if you’re wondering if your child or teen needs counseling, you need to start figuring out next steps. If you’re uncomfortable and on the fence about talking with your child about therapy, you can always reach out to a therapist first, to hear more about their process and what they recommend.

After touching base with a therapist, if they feel like a good fit, then you can let your child know, “Here’s what we’re going to try out.” Point out what you’re noticing, and give them time to respond. They may feel like they don’t have a problem, or they may hate the idea of having to see a therapist. That’s ok. Let them know that they have to try it out a few sessions. The more we do something, the easier it feels.

Nobody enjoys having a panic attack…

But they're particularly awful when they happen at school. On top of experiencing all of those physical symptoms - shortness of breath, tense muscles, pounding heart - you're worried about how other people will respond to you. 

When you’re an anxious teen looking for therapy, you’ll probably come across the letters CBT a lot. What do they mean? And how is CBT used in anxiety therapy?

CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and is an evidence-based treatment for anxiety and anger management issues.

Our anxiety specialists are trained in and incorporate pieces of CBT into their work with kids, teens, and college students at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis.

Anxiety can make connecting with friends hard. Add COVID, lockdowns, social distancing, and isolation to the mix, and it can feel overwhelming.

With this COVID year, we’ve had to focus so much on ourselves and our mental health. Stress has been at an all time high. So it makes sense that connecting with friends, especially after losing contact with them over 2020, feels hard to do.

Anxious people need friends, even when their anxiety and stress makes it hard.

And you may have worries about what they think or how they’ll react when you reach out again. That’s ok and normal! Of course you have anxiety around that. But that anxiety shouldn’t keep you from doing the things you need to do to benefit yourself, your mental health and, yes, your friendships that have fallen by the wayside.

Toxic positivity, perfectionism, and anxiety tend to impact one another.

“Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It's a ‘good vibes only’ approach to life.” Toxic positivity means you feel like you can only focus on the good and try and push away the bad.

In terms of perfectionism, where we always want to do our best and are so disappointed when we don’t meet our (very high!) expectations, coming short of our goals feels terrible. When we have perfectionism AND toxic positivity, we have an internal message telling us “I’m terrible,” or “I’m a failure,” a long with an internal message that “Feeling bad makes me bad,” or, “There’s something wrong with me for feeling this way.”

Here’s where anxiety comes in:

1. Toxic positivity: Good vibes only!

2. Perfectionism: I got less than an A on this test. I’m a failure!

3. Anxiety: Having this thought makes me a bad person, because “good vibes only!” I can’t tell people about this! I have to keep it to myself! There’s something really wrong with me. I can’t let anyone else know about this!

Teen motivation is at an all time low.

For everyone, here in 2021. COVID is still happening. We’re still worried about the novel coronavirus. We’re still locked down. Schools are still mostly virtual. Meet ups are still mostly online. There’s a ton of stress, anxiety, and burnout roiling around for everyone.

So how on earth can you still be motivated, as a teen, during this pandemic?

Well, there are a few options - but it’s important, throughout this blog post, to remember that you can’t expect yourself to be as motivated as usual. Burnout is to be expected.

Finding a way to be a motivated student, even with anxiety and burnout:

We need to figure out how to still get enough done, in a good enough way - rather than focusing on getting everything done, and doing everything perfectly - a common issue for teens with anxiety.

Below, you’ll find tons of intervention ideas from therapists in the field, who specifically work with kids and teens, and who deeply recognize that things are different right now.

It’s so important to find the right fit for you and your child.

And with our therapists, when we come together as a team, we help to make sure you’re getting the best help possible. All of our therapists have their own individual clinical backgrounds and experience, but they also have the specialized training as team in how to best work with anxiety and anger management in kids, teens, and college students.

What makes Compassionate Counseling St. Louis special? All of our therapists understand that anger and anxiety serve a purpose.

Our team would never call anxiety or anger bad. We may not like how it feels, or our reactions that we have may be unhelpful, but we always want to figure out how to move forward with anxiety and anger, and how to help it not feel so big.

Thoughts feel so powerful, especially when you have anxiety.

Thoughts can get really loud, and feel really overwhelming. Thoughts can seem huge. Thoughts can cloud your judgement and get in the way of you moving forward.

But taking a step back, we recognize … thoughts are just thoughts. Your brain is just firing off neurons, and sending chemicals across different synapses. Thoughts are just a normal bunch of noise. They’re not all powerful or all knowing. They’re just there.

Your brain tells you that your thoughts are facts. But that’s not really the case.

If you closed your eyes, and thought about your brother’s hair turning blue, would that actually change the color of his hair? Of course not. Not all of our thoughts are believable or actually happening, but we often act as if they are.

Thoughts aren’t always important. Thoughts aren’t always wise.

Sometimes, our thoughts are just nonsense. Our thoughts can act like 5-year-olds, making up stories, telling us we’re being doo-doo heads, throwing tantrums, bossing us around, and just generally being ridiculous. Why on earth should we treat our thoughts as all powerful and all knowing?

Social media is a lot to keep up with.

Social media can be an awesome thing! The funny videos, the choreographed dances, the lip syncs and photos of family and friends, can keep you engaged and laughing for hours. But it can also lead to a lot of comparison, a need to fit in and a craving for validation. Does the pressure to be entertaining and look perfect feel really overwhelming? It’s okay because you aren’t alone in feeling that way!

The pressure that comes from posting online can be really tough.

It's especially tough if you already struggle with perfectionism or anxiety.

Perfectionism isn’t always a good thing.

You probably hear that a lot already, but your brain is telling you, “Well… perfectionism helps me do well in school. Perfectionism means I only turn in the best work. Perfectionism means that I care.” And your brain is probably right!

Perfectionism probably does feel like it makes you a better student.

Perfectionism is doing a lot of other not so good things, as well.

At the same time, perfectionism can feel helpful.

When you have a high drive to succeed, perfectionism feels like it helps you turn in the best work possible. You know that you have to do your best. You criticize every small mistake you make, which means you won’t make those mistakes ever again - right?

Teenagers do a really good job when it comes to keeping parents out of the loop.

Part of it is just how teens are designed to be. They’re meant to be maturing on their own, increasing their independence, and building up their self-reliance. You want your teen to be able to start solving problems on their own. You need your teen to be able to figure out action steps to reach their goals.

But wanting your teen to grow in independence doesn’t mean you never want to know what’s going on.

You want your teen to come to you for support, too. You want to help them with their problems. You want to know when they need help.

Teens, especially teenagers with anxiety, can feel too overwhelmed to reach out for support.

So it’s crucial for you as the parent to provide opportunities for them to check in, and to be on the lookout for hidden signs of anxiety.

If you’re a perfectionist, college is probably going to throw you for a loop.

Your standards of success will look very different when you’re in a brand new environment, and we want you to be prepared. We interviewed several college prep counselors at local, St. Louis area high schools, to find out the best ways you can help your teen prepare. These counselors have worked directly with students and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life. We are so excited to be able to bring their expertise to you, in hopes that we can all work together to help your teen thrive when they get to campus!

Today, we continue with Trisha Hasbrouch, Director of College Advising at St. Joseph’s Academy. She breaks down the difference between personal success and perfection. We are so happy to feature her on today’s blog!

Because college is such a new experience, many teens feel challenged.

And feeling that challenge can be challenging in and of itself! If you’re used to things coming easy for you, college can really throw you for a curve.

We interviewed several college prep counselors at local, St. Louis area high schools, to find out the best ways you can help your teen prepare. These counselors have worked directly with students and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life. We are so excited to be able to bring their expertise to you, in hopes that we can all work together to help your teen thrive when they get to campus!

As our series continues, we are excited to bring you our interview with Dawn Michel, College Counselor at Chaminade College Preparatory School and President-Elect, Missouri Association for College Admission Counseling. She talks about how to prepare and also the importance of calling home and maintaining family relationships while on campus!

Going to college is a big step, and leads to a lot of anxiety, stress, and nervousness - for teens and for parents.

We interviewed several college prep counselors at local, St. Louis area high schools, to find out the best ways you can help your teen prepare. These counselors have worked directly with students and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life. We are so excited to be able to bring their expertise to you, in hopes that we can all work together to help your teen thrive when they get to campus!

Today, we are thrilled to be sharing the knowledge from Dave Boland, Director of College/Career Counseling at De Smet Jesuit.

College is an overwhelming time for both you and your teen!

It can lead to a lot of anxiety and nerves. We interviewed several college prep counselors here in St. Louis. These counselors have worked directly with students, and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life.

We are so excited to kick off our College Readiness series by sharing our interview with Joann Elliot! Joann worked as a highschool college counselor for many years before opening College Counseling Tutoring in 2014. She is also the author of When to do What: A Step by Step Guide to the College Process and The Honeycomb Approach: 6 Factors to Finding Your College Fit. Read more below about her experiences working with high schoolers gearing up for their big transition to college and about her latest book.