Preparing Your Child Or Teen For Counseling
So, you’ve thought about it for days, weeks, maybe even months and you’ve decided your kid needs therapy. Now what? How do you talk to your child or teen about attending a therapy session? Read on to learn what strategies work best when talking to your child, and I will also answer FAQs about preparing your child or teen for their first counseling session.
I worry that if I bring up therapy or counseling, it might make my child or teen feel uncomfortable.
This is a common fear, and something that can hold parents back from taking a really important step forward. The bottom line is, if you’re wondering if your child or teen needs counseling, you need to start figuring out next steps. If you’re uncomfortable and on the fence about talking with your child about therapy, you can always reach out to a therapist first, to hear more about their process and what they recommend.
After touching base with a therapist, if they feel like a good fit, then you can let your child know, “Here’s what we’re going to try out.” Point out what you’re noticing, and give them time to respond. They may feel like they don’t have a problem, or they may hate the idea of having to see a therapist. That’s ok. Let them know that they have to try it out a few sessions. The more we do something, the easier it feels.
If parents mention therapy, it might hurt their child’s self-esteem and make them even more anxious. How should one go about it?
Some kids and teens feel embarrassed about going to therapy, but nine times out of ten they become more comfortable with it after the initial session. And honestly, many parents are more anxious about therapy than their child. The only way you’ll know how they feel is if you bring it up as an option.
As a parent, though, it’s better to know that you have a plan beforehand. So you may want to tell your child, “here’s what I’m noticing, and here’s why I think counseling will help. What are your thoughts?”
Feeling like you need some parent support?
Our parent coaching program is like therapy for parents, helping you come up with a plan for how to help your anxious child, while making sure that your needs are being met too.
How can a parent prepare their child for the first session?
I recommend just telling your teen (or hesitant child) that counseling is something a lot of people do, and it's usually just an opportunity to build tools and get stuff off their chest. I would also encourage parents to use the "eat your vegetables" rule - try it out for two or three sessions, and then your teen gets to decide from there.
I’ve found, though, that younger children are super excited to go to counseling because they view it as an opportunity to play and hang out one-on-one with a safe grown up, and through counseling they learn the skills and tools needed to help manage their anxiety.
What information is good to share with them if they are worried or reluctant?
It's also helpful to review confidentiality, and how the therapist will keep information private unless it's info about hurting themselves, hurting someone else, or someone hurting them. Otherwise, the specifics will stay private (that way, your teen feels comfortable telling me how much they dislike your parenting style without being worried that I'll go and tell on them, AND I have an opportunity to help them process this while giving you separate parenting suggestions on our end).
More info on what sessions look like can be found right here: What Is Counseling Like?
It's all a journey...
It's also important to let them know that counseling is a process, so it might take a few times for that therapist to feel like a good fit - but, if that therapist doesn't feel like they're super helpful, maybe they should try meeting with someone else to see if that works better. That therapeutic fit is crucial.
Curious to hear more, or are you a little reluctant about counseling? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis provides specialized anxiety and anger management therapy for kids, teens, and college students. We work in Clayton, MO and provide anxiety counseling for kids, teens, and college students throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. You can set up your free phone consult right on our website.
This post was originally published January 5, 2020 and updated February 23, 2023.