Perfectionism isn’t always a good thing.

You probably hear that a lot already, but your brain is telling you, “Well… perfectionism helps me do well in school. Perfectionism means I only turn in the best work. Perfectionism means that I care.” And your brain is probably right!

Perfectionism probably does feel like it makes you a better student.

Perfectionism is doing a lot of other not so good things, as well.

At the same time, perfectionism can feel helpful.

When you have a high drive to succeed, perfectionism feels like it helps you turn in the best work possible. You know that you have to do your best. You criticize every small mistake you make, which means you won’t make those mistakes ever again - right?

Have you noticed anxiety in your child ?

Our therapists at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis have a lot of experience working with anxious kids, teens and college students ,and we wanted to take the time to really showcase the work that we do!

We have our ongoing interview series, which is a great way to get to know other therapists in the area, but we also want you to get to know the therapists here at our office, too! Each of our therapists tailor their approach to you and your child, so you get the most out of your sessions and you feel supported the whole time.

This week, we spoke to Art Therapist Maggie Schmidt on her clinical experience, what it’s like working at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, and when it might be a good idea to get therapy for anxiety. We’re so lucky to have her at our office!

Failure is really important!

If you’re worried about failing, chances are, you’re a teen or college student who wants to do well. We specialize in working with kids and teens who are consistently high performers in school. And a lot of times, underneath all that drive and ambition, there's a ton of anxiety.

With the start of a new school year, you’re probably starting to remember how much stress you experience with school. You worry about failure. But what if we figured out a way to use it and move forward?

It’s okay to feel worried and anxious.

Our therapists at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis have a lot of experience working with anxious kids, teens and college students and we wanted to take the time to really showcase the work that we do! Our interview series is a great way to get to know other therapists in the area but we also want you to get to know the therapists here at our office too! Each of our therapists tailor their approach to your child so you get the most out of your sessions and your kid feels supported the whole time.

This week, we spoke to Allegra Grawer on how her experience, what it’s like working at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis and when it might be a good idea to get therapy for anxiety. We’re so lucky to have her at our office!

Supporting your child with social anxiety

It can be overwhelming for a child experiencing social anxiety while not understanding what it is or how to cope. It can also be frustrating for you, as the parent, to deal with the many challenges of social anxiety. Since social anxiety can manifest in a lot of different ways, it’s important to learn what it is and how it looks, so that you can best support your child in dealing with it.

Play is a language that all kids understand.

When we work with anxiety and anger management with our children and teens, we often integrate play into our work. Sometimes, we connect families to family therapists even if everything feels like it’s going well. A family therapist can offer their perspective on the entire family dynamic and work on issues together in a way that is different from the work we do individually.

Play therapy can be a great option to opening the lines of communication within your family

We reached out to family therapists in the St. Louis area to discuss the ins and outs of family therapy to help you decide if it’s the right choice for you. Play therapy can be a really great option for families with kids and Rose R. Trevino is a great resource! We interviewed Rose to learn more about how Play Therapy is used within family therapy. Read more below about her experience!

Is family therapy the right choice for me?

When things seem overwhelming or you find yourself facing communication struggles in your home, it can be helpful to seek a therapist who can work with the whole family. Sometimes, it’s even helpful to seek family therapy in addition to individual therapy. But how do you know if your family would benefit from family therapy?

When we work with anxiety and anger management with our kids, teens and college students, we sometimes connect families to family therapists even if everything feels like it’s going well. A family therapist can offer their perspective on the entire family dynamic and work on issues together in a way that is different from the work we do individually.

Teenagers do a really good job when it comes to keeping parents out of the loop.

Part of it is just how teens are designed to be. They’re meant to be maturing on their own, increasing their independence, and building up their self-reliance. You want your teen to be able to start solving problems on their own. You need your teen to be able to figure out action steps to reach their goals.

But wanting your teen to grow in independence doesn’t mean you never want to know what’s going on.

You want your teen to come to you for support, too. You want to help them with their problems. You want to know when they need help.

Teens, especially teenagers with anxiety, can feel too overwhelmed to reach out for support.

So it’s crucial for you as the parent to provide opportunities for them to check in, and to be on the lookout for hidden signs of anxiety.

Compassionate Counseling St. Louis specializes in anxiety management for kids, teens and college students.

We work with a ton of families. We love the work that we do! But we also know, even if we love working with you, that we’re not always the best fit.

If things aren’t feeling better, we want to check in with your weekly outcomes scores, to track our progress. We want to try out a few new interventions. And if we’re still not seeing the progress we want to see, we might refer you out.

The kids are at home (still), summer camps are closed, and all the ways you normally fill your summer time look a lot different, thanks to Coronavirus.

So, what’s a parent to do?

This week, we put together a list of some ways to fill up summer - while still building skills for anxiety management, frustration tolerance, and relationship building (kind of the three big things we most care about here at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis!)

What do you actually do this summer? We have 10 ideas right below!

Anger and anxiety often go hand in hand.

Rarely if ever is a person just angry. There’s usually something else going on underneath it. We may look angry on the outside, but internally we feel stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious. There may be grief, depression, or loss that is impacting our external anger. Or, we may not really know why we’re acting so angry, because we haven’t trained ourselves to figure out what else is going on. We know we seem angry to other people, so we accept that we must be feeling angry.

Anxiety can be tricky, and if you or your therapist isn’t digging underneath the surface, you might be working on fixing the behaviors, but you’re never addressing the underlying cause. That’s why you need to work with therapists who specialize in anxiety, and know that it doesn’t always look like your classic flight/freeze.

Games work as anxiety treatment and anger management, too.

As we discussed last week, when we use play interventions, we focus on three things:

1. Building our relationship

2. Following the rules

3. Practicing self-regulation

Games provide us a great opportunity to help model rule following, to process frustration as it arises, to build self regulation, and to build up our parent/child relationship.

Below, you’ll find 25 of our favorite games to incorporate at home, including a few that we use as child therapists...

You know your child’s not just angry. There’s something going on underneath the surface, too.

And a lot of times, that anger is masking anxiety, stress, and overwhelm.

When kids and teens (and even adults, too!) get anxious, their brains and bodies start to take over. Their fight/flight/freeze response gets activated.

That means for some kids, when they feel scared, they look scared.

The run away (flight) or totally shut down and clam up (freeze).

For many of us, our fight reaction takes over.

And instead of just looking scared on the outside, we look MAD. We look like we’re ready to get into a fight and defend ourselves. We’re ready to yell, or scream, or call you bad names, and we have a very, very hard time calming down.

So how can you integrate games to help your child build up their anxiety and anger management skills?

There are a lot of new stressors in our lives right now.

We’ve all had to get used to a new normal during this global pandemic. For a lot of our parents, one of the biggest challenges is moving school from the classroom to the kitchen table. Whether your kids are attending classes over Zoom or you have now been put in charge of teaching the material, no doubt this is a major adjustment for everyone. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed!

If you’re a perfectionist, college is probably going to throw you for a loop.

Your standards of success will look very different when you’re in a brand new environment, and we want you to be prepared. We interviewed several college prep counselors at local, St. Louis area high schools, to find out the best ways you can help your teen prepare. These counselors have worked directly with students and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life. We are so excited to be able to bring their expertise to you, in hopes that we can all work together to help your teen thrive when they get to campus!

Today, we continue with Trisha Hasbrouch, Director of College Advising at St. Joseph’s Academy. She breaks down the difference between personal success and perfection. We are so happy to feature her on today’s blog!

Because college is such a new experience, many teens feel challenged.

And feeling that challenge can be challenging in and of itself! If you’re used to things coming easy for you, college can really throw you for a curve.

We interviewed several college prep counselors at local, St. Louis area high schools, to find out the best ways you can help your teen prepare. These counselors have worked directly with students and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life. We are so excited to be able to bring their expertise to you, in hopes that we can all work together to help your teen thrive when they get to campus!

As our series continues, we are excited to bring you our interview with Dawn Michel, College Counselor at Chaminade College Preparatory School and President-Elect, Missouri Association for College Admission Counseling. She talks about how to prepare and also the importance of calling home and maintaining family relationships while on campus!

Going to college is a big step, and leads to a lot of anxiety, stress, and nervousness - for teens and for parents.

We interviewed several college prep counselors at local, St. Louis area high schools, to find out the best ways you can help your teen prepare. These counselors have worked directly with students and have first hand experience in what it takes to get them ready for this major transition in their life. We are so excited to be able to bring their expertise to you, in hopes that we can all work together to help your teen thrive when they get to campus!

Today, we are thrilled to be sharing the knowledge from Dave Boland, Director of College/Career Counseling at De Smet Jesuit.