Helping Kids Navigate Different Kinds of Loss Around the Holidays
Often when we think of grief and loss, we think about the death of a loved one. But for children, grief can come from many kinds of loss. A child might experience grief after moving to a new house, changing schools, parents separating or divorcing, losing a pet, or when a close friend moves away.
All of these experiences can impact a child’s sense of stability. Even if the loss seems “small” from an adult’s perspective, for a child it can feel pretty big. It is common for kids to experience big feelings and show behavioral changes when transitions and loss interrupt their normal. And when kids experience loss and changes around the holiday season, it can make those big feelings feel even bigger and more confusing.
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, our St. Louis therapist team has worked with many kids who have experienced many different kinds of loss and we are here to support your family around the holiday season and beyond.
Image Credit: Unsplash Gleb Shvartser @kirisora
How Kids Experience Loss
It’s common for kids to not be able to or know how to describe their sadness and overwhelm, so grief can show up in many different ways. You might notice your child:
Becoming more withdrawn, clingy, angry or irritable
Having trouble focusing at school or listening to directions
Experiencing changes in appetite or sleep routines
Worrying about more changes happening
These behaviors aren’t bad - they’re signals. They tell us your child is trying to make sense of something that feels confusing or unfair.
In fact, the owner and founder of Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, Kelsey Torgerson Dunn, writes more about looking underneath the behaviors in her blog When Your Child Seems Disobedient or Disrespectful, What’s Really Going On?
How CBT Can Help Kids Dealing With Loss
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps kids make sense of the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
After a loss, a child might think things like:
“It’s my fault my parents divorced.”
“I’ll never make new friends.”
“Everything is different and nothing will feel okay again.”
These thoughts can make their big emotions feel even bigger and harder to manage. With CBT, the St. Louis therapists at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis help kids:
Identify and name their emotions
Notice unhelpful thoughts
Challenge and reframe those thoughts
Practice helpful relaxation coping tools such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and meditation.
You can read a little bit more about how we use CBT at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis in these blogs:
Helping Your Child After Loss
You can support your child by helping them remember what they’ve lost while also making space for new experiences. Here are a few ideas:
Honor memories together: Make a special food, create a new holiday decoration, draw a picture, look through photos, or make a scrapbook together. Share stories or favorite memories with your child in their own way.
Start something new together: Small traditions like a cozy movie night, a walk in a favorite park, or a new bedtime routine can bring a sense of comfort and stability.
Validate their feelings: It’s okay to say, “I feel sad sometimes too.” When you share calmly, your child learns that it’s safe to talk about emotions.
Notice and celebrate progress: Point out your child’s bravery and effort as they face changes, “I’m proud of how you’re talking about your feelings,” or “You handled that really well.”
Children don’t need us to fix their grief - they need us to walk through it with them.
Helping Your Child with Traumatic Loss and Grief
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, senior therapist, Molly Shaffer, LPC, brings experience and specialized training in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) to help children recovering from traumatic loss or traumatic grief.
The holiday season can stir up painful memories or feelings of sadness for kids who’ve traumatic experienced loss, change, or trauma - and that’s where an expert TF-CBT approach makes such a difference. TF-CBT is an evidence-based therapy that incorporates a behavioral, emotional, and holistic approach that teaches your child or teen the important skills they need to heal from the traumatic experience.
Reaching Out for Support
As a parent, you are always paying attention to how your child is doing throughout their day. If your child’s sadness, worry, or behavior changes persist or begin to interfere with daily life, it might be time to seek professional help.
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, our St. Louis child therapists specialize in CBT-based therapy for changes that are hard to process. We help kids build coping skills, understand their emotions, and thrive.
If you notice that your child is struggling with any kind of loss, we’re here to help. Reach out to Compassionate Counseling St. Louis to schedule a free consultation call and learn how we can support your child this season and beyond.
Curious to learn more about child grief counseling for your child? Wondering if CBT or TF-CBT at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis could be a good fit? Reach out to us at hello@compassionatecounselingstl.com. As child experts, we love working with kids, teens, college students and parents to help manage their anxiety, stress, and anger. Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is located in Clayton, MO and works with families by offering both in-person counseling and online therapy throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. We also provide online therapy Missouri -wide to teens and college students. You can set up your first free consult on this website, on our consultation page.