Should my child meet with a child psychologist?

Different children have different needs when it comes to meeting with a psychologist vs. a psychiatrist vs. a therapist or counselor. I reached out to my colleague Dr. Kezia Coleman, and she graciously shared information on her practice here in St. Louis.

As a psychologist, Kezia provides both psychological testing (to official diagnose you or your child with what is going on from a psychological perspective), educational testing (to provide an educational diagnosis that is used when creating IEP’s or school behavioral intervention plans), along with providing clinical therapy to select families.

Why did you choose to become a psychologist in St. Louis?

I have wanted to be a psychologist since I took AP Psychology in high school! Yes, I wanted to help people (cliché, I know), but I also enjoy supporting people as they navigate difficult situations and events; life is difficult, and I know I would not be where I am today without help! I decided to stay in St. Louis after completing a yearlong postdoctoral fellowship through UMSL, after falling in love with the STL diversity, people, and food!

What kind of treatment do you provide? 

I provide comprehensive psychological and educational assessments for children and young adults. I also provide individual and family therapy, generally using a cognitive-behavioral approach.

We all know mental health and physical health go hand in hand.

They’re totally linked together. And on the mental health side, I see a wide range of how diet and eating can interact with child, adolescent, and young adult anxiety and anger management. Some kids come in with picky eating that’s anxiety driven. Some teens I work with find that controlling their food feels like a way to control their perfectionism - and, of course, it’s an unhealthy coping tool.

That’s why I’m so excited to have interviewed Shannon, a nutrition counselor here in St. Louis.

Shannon works with teens and adults to help them build healthier approaches to eating and diet and body image. She understands that anxiety and eating go hand in hand (which is why we recommend teens and adults with disordered eating meet with a nutritionist and a therapist at the same time!) And I love how passionate she is about teaching people how to make real, healthy choices in their lives.

Learn more about Shannon below!

What ages do you work with?

I work with adolescents to adults. I am very passionate about helping late adolescence/teenagers to feel good about their body and to teach them all the wisdom that it holds. Around 10 years old, there can be more questioning about body, even though this can happen earlier. It’s so important to set the stage early, on what it means to take care of your body in a way that isn’t diet language (ie don’t eat sugar, you shouldn’t have carbs, no junk food) and to teach kids to listen to their body when its hungry, when its full, when it doesn’t feel well after eating a certain food or amount of food. All of it is data that their body is giving them.

It is also helping the child feel good about their body, especially if they are in a larger body. We come in all shapes and sizes, even though we are told the only acceptable size is thin. With society and maybe the messages at home, a child in a larger body may feel that their body is not okay and is “wrong.” It is bringing it back to educating about the body during adolescence and the pubescent cycle and honoring their body by taking good care of it, instead of punishing it for what it must naturally do.

Deciding on your college and figuring out how to apply in the first place can be STRESSFUL.

It causes a bunch of anxiety in the many, many highschoolers and college-aged students I work with. And while I’ve written on How to Prepare Your Anxious Highschooler for College and Parenting Your Anxious College Student, sometimes you need really specific information and to do lists from someone who does more than just the emotional/stress management side of college. That’s where Joann comes in!

I’m so excited to share our interview below! Joann also has one book out and another on the way, helping to walk parents and teens through the whole college application process (links below).

Joann: I provide college counseling for teens who are trying to navigate the college admissions process. 

I work with helping them identify colleges and/or majors that may be a potential fit, brainstorming the essay, creating an activity list/resume, completing the Common App, organizational skills, help with scholarships, interviewing, talking about their fears and concerns, answering questions, and whatever else comes with the college process. 

Kelsey: Could you talk a little about your approach and how you modify it when working with teens who have anxiety/perfectionism/stress/anger management?

Joann: The interesting thing about what I do is that nearly everyone has stress about the college process, not just those with diagnoses.  It might be the idea of leaving home and the fear it invokes or it might be just being anxious about getting it all done and making a good decision.  For people who have anxiety or perfectionism issues, though, college counseling can be especially helpful because we can separate fact from fiction and ‘urban legend’. Knowledge is powerful and knowing when to ask for help is a sign of intelligence!  Being able to ask questions freely is a great help to reducing students’ stress. For the anxious student, breaking down the steps into manageable baby steps has proven very stress-relieving as well! Being able to talk in a safe environment away from the school day where students can voice their opinions, fears, and concerns reduces stress and anxiety.  They are in a place where they can be their true selves.  Meeting regularly can help keep the student on track and not get off-course further reducing stress.

Here we are, less than a month out from the new school year, and you’re worried that you’re going to have to go through the homework struggle… all over again.

You’re hoping this year will be different. You worked so hard, collaborating with your child's teacher, and finally had a good system... by April. And now you’re worried that you’re going to start up all over again at ground zero.

But it doesn’t have to be like this! Read below for a few tips on getting your child to actually do their homework.

What do you do?

I encourage parents to have a conversation with their kids about why the homework isn’t happening. Are they stressed out about it? They wanted it to be perfect? Do they hate school or classmates or their teacher? Whatever is underneath the homework avoidance will inform your approach to it.

Prevention is key:

Try to have these conversations and come up with a plan BEFORE the homework really starts to pile up. Schedule an initial meeting with your teacher to talk through the struggles last year, and proactively come up with a plan and when you’ll be checking on it this upcoming school year.

Substance Use/Abuse/Dependency and anxiety often go hand in hand.

Sometimes, teens and adults with anxiety try to self-medicate with substances. Other times, your substance dependency can lead to significant stress and anxiety. Whether anxiety has led to your abuse or vice versa, it’s crucial to work with a therapist trained in substance use. This is where Maddie Leitner, MSW, LCSW comes in.

Similar to my passion for working with anxiety and perfectionism for kids, teens, and college students, Maddie focuses her work on two areas she’s passionate about: substance use and anxiety, and the link between the two. It was a pleasure to interview her, and i’m so excited for you to learn more about her work!

When you’re looking for help with your or your child’s anxiety or OCD, you want a specialist - not just someone who is ok working with it.

That’s why I’m so excited to have interviewed Angela Adamson, a fellow anxiety specialist located here in St. Louis.

“One of the most effective skills for treating anxiety is doing exposures. Exposures are how we test out beliefs. I work with you and your child to develop a step-by-step, achievable plan to test out fears. When we face our fears while using cognitive tools, we can rewire the way our brain processes anxiety. Over time, when people change both their thoughts and behaviors around anxiety, the symptoms of anxiety start to decrease.“

What do you wish people knew about getting treatment for anxiety disorders?

I wish people knew how treatable anxiety disorders are when you have the right skills. It's not easy, but it is absolutely treatable. I also wish more people knew how strong they really are EVEN when they feel anxiety.

Our brains are in charge of everything we do. We take in information, and we send that information where it needs to go.

Every brain has both a relay center, and amygdala, and a pre-frontal cortex. In BrainWise, we say that your emotional response (the fight/flight/freeze response) is driven by your Lizard Brain. Your pre-frontal cortex, which helps you to stop and think, is your Wizard Brain.

The BrainWise curriculum was designed to help kids build social and emotional control and self-regulation skills. When I previously worked in the Saint Louis Counseling School Partnership Program, I received training in this program, and still use components of it in my practice today. To be clear, I’m not TECHNICALLY providing brainwise as I’m not maintaining really strict fidelity with the model. I have a whole walkthrough on the modules in an earlier post. This week, I want to walk you through how I introduce the model in my individual work with angry and anxious kids.

I strongly encourage parents, teachers or therapists to consider buying the BrainWise curriculum if these seem like helpful tools.

Offering Trauma Informed Yoga for youth who have experienced trauma, have anxiety, mental health, special needs, and for kids who love yoga!

Melissa Dierker, BSW, CYT, CPYT is the owner and instructor at Complete Harmony STL Yoga for Youth. Complete Harmony STL offers yoga classes for kids throughout the year, including the summer - and as they’re expanding into their new space, they’re looking at offering specific Spring Break and Summer Break yoga classes next year.

What transformation do you see over the course of yoga groups?

One thing I LOVE seeing is the community and relationships that are formed in our classes. A lot of times we have kids who have difficulties making friends, who are to overwhelmed to be in classes, or who have so many friends they don't know how to allow space for others. Watching kids navigate peer relationships, while also tuning into who they are and where they are is wonderful. We also see kids reminding us of shapes, breath work, or activities that they remember from class or tried at home and how those things helped them when they needed it most.

How does your yoga staff jump in to help when a kid starts to melt down?

Spotlighting great programs in St. Louis:

This summer, Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is spotlighting summer programs that provide awesome services for anxious, angry kids and teens. This week we’re looking at Leaps and Bounds Occupational Therapy.

I’ve toured the Leaps and Bounds campus, and I love how they integrate OT to help kids managing their emotions. Read below for some great, interesting answers about their summer camp programs.

What supports do you provide for parents?

We offer occupational therapy, speech/ language therapy and feeding therapy. Our programming includes both individual and group options.  Therapy can focus on a variety of skills, but some of the areas that we address include: sensory processing, feeding, communication, literacy, attention, behaviors, motor skills, emotional regulation, executive function and social skills. We also provide home programs for parents to help facilitate progress during the course of therapy. 

We also offer summer camp options.

Our camp is much smaller in size than a typical summer camp and we can offer more supports to help kids be successful. We get excited each year to see kids create friendships and increase confidence in our summer camps.

How do you help kids who have behavioral issues?

​As licensed occupational therapists, it is our job to look at why the behavior is happening and figure out the best plan to manage it. Sometimes, the behavior is a result of poor sensory processing. In those situations, we would determine if we need to alter something in the environment to help the child or remove the stimulus.  We address behaviors differently depending on the reason they are occurring. Our goal is to help each child feel confident, comfortable and successful within the group.

Mindfulness should be more than an “every now and then” kind of thing.

If you only practice mindfulness when you’re already upset, you may calm down in the moment - but it’s harder to reach for the skill when you need it. It’s much more effective to set up a daily practice, and really reinforce this skill.

The foundation for all of this? Being in the moment.

So today, let’s practice just sitting.

Does Anxiety Ever Really Go Away?

After 8 weeks of talking about anxiety at different ages, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed.

Or, maybe you just gulped down the information and are hungry for more.

But I think one of the tricky things we need to keep in mind about anxiety is that it never really goes away. It’s always there, even if it looks different from pre-school through college. As I say on my homepage, “Whether your pre-schooler has behavioral issues or your highschooler gets caught up in the small stuff…” I could include in that statement:

• Whether your child has separation anxiety or your college student is a perfectionist

• Whether your teen has anger management problems or your child gets tummy aches every other day

• Whether you feel overwhelmed and on edge, or you feel like you’re at the end of your rope parenting a child who gets so overwhelmed so quickly

Is my teen actually ready for college?

College is a big step for anyone, and especially for teens who have struggled emotionally throughout high school. Big transitions are difficult for anyone. And while your teen may be excited about this new adventure, you as a parent may be experiencing conflicting emotions.

On the one hand, you’re ready for them to succeed.

On the other, you worry that you haven’t done enough to prepare them.

Is the Drive to Succeed and Be the Best a Double Edged Sword?

Friends, I don’t know if I would own my private practice if I wasn’t a bit of a perfectionist. I’m not sure if I would have the drive to put in all of the time, energy, and effort into running a business if I didn’t feel this nervous undercurrent about being successful.

And at the same time, I know that anxiety feels like a motivator because it wants us to keep using it. It tricks us into feeling that we wouldn’t work without it.

So every day in my business, and every day that I’m working at home or checking emails past normal business hours, I take a step back and remind myself: I’m working hard because of my values, not because of my anxiety.

Because anxiety is always going to end up getting in the way.

It will grow too big and it will keep us from succeeding. Which is what we must teach our successful teenagers as well.

“My child won’t go to school anymore - now what?”

Children with anxiety often have trouble in the school setting, regardless of how that anxiety is presenting. You may have a child with separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, or specific fears about the school environment. All three of these diagnoses can play out in a myriad of ways - but regardless of how the anxiety looks, it can leave you feeling helpless as a parent.

Anxiety often becomes more noticeable in elementary school, because of the environment.

There’s a huge switch from getting to stay at home or in a small daycare to having to attend school 5 days of the week.

Parenting an anxious child can be anxiety provoking in and of itself.

And if you’re a parent who is already prone to anxiety, seeing your child develop their anxiety can bring up some uncomfortable emotions for yourself. Many parents I work with report feeling guilt, shame, anger, frustration, fear, sadness, and so on about the impact that their anxiety has on their kids.

But what if we took a step back from all the shame and guilt?

Let’s figure out what goes into anxiety before blaming ourselves.

“Am I making my child’s anxiety worse?”

“I always was anxious as a kid, and so I’m worried my child gets it from me.”

“I have anxiety, too, so I know it’s my fault.”

Parents often call me with these questions and comments. As a parent, it can be hard when you see your child struggling with the exact same issues that you had. You want to help them, and you also feel a little bit…guilty. Maybe it’s your fault they’re this way.

But it’s really not your fault

And feeling guilty, even if it makes sense, doesn’t make things easier. So let’s take a step back and figure out what is leading to your child’s anxiety in the first place.

Starting next week, we’ll begin our 8 week series on anxiety and parenting - and there’s a lot that we’ll be digging into:

1. The Building Blocks of Anxiety

2. Managing Your Own Anxiety as a Parent

3. Parenting Anxious Pre-Schoolers and Elementary Schoolers

4. Anxiety and Parenting a Child with Anger Management Issues (spoiler: it’s probably anxiety related as well!)

5. Perfectionism and Parenting Your Highschooler

6. Preparing Your Highschooler for College

7. Out of the Nest: How to Parent Your Anxiety-Driven College Student

8. Moving Forward and Next Steps

That’s a lot of info… so why am I covering all of this?

Last week we talked about meditation at home vs. trying out a meditation class as a family.

For those of you who want to give meditation a try (and recognize it’s benefits for anxiety, anger management, and building compliance in your little ones), read on!

Floating leaves meditation:

Meditation practice is a huge part of what we work on in therapy. One of my favorite guided meditations that I utilize is called the floating leaves meditation. Rather than trying to switch your brain off or stop all thoughts, you want to just let them float by.