As an anxious kid, teen, or college student, it makes total sense that you would want to avoid school.

Anxious minds tell us about all the bad things that could potentially happen, and schools are rife with possibilities when it comes to catastrophe. Just off the top of my head, you could worry about:

• Missing your mom and dad

• Getting a bad grade

• People talking bad about you

• People not wanting to play with you

• Getting in trouble

• Having a teacher yell at you

• Making a silly mistake

• Hearing a super loud fire drill

• Getting kidnapped on your walk home

• Forgetting all of your homework

• Taking a test

And on and on and on…

Those fears are legion - and as soon as you feel like you vanquish one school fear foe, another one can come up and take its place.

With all that in mind, of course it feels easier to stay at home.

Unfortunately, the longer you wait to get to school, the more and more challenging it will be to actually cross that threshold and deal with anxiety at school.

But we have to take that first step. And we can!

Sleeping is crucial to our wellbeing.

When we get a full night’s rest, we’re better able to handle the challenges of our day. Our bodies are rested, our brains are active, and we’re more able to utilize our pre-frontal cortex to think through the pros and cons of how we’re interacting to the world around us.

A lack of sleep impacts everything.

We’re grumpy, we’re less focused, and we’re more stressed out. Our brains produce more stress hormones on less sleep. And a lack of sleep builds and builds - one day vs. seven days has a huge difference.

In fact, kids who don’t get enough consistent sleep can be misdiagnosed with ADHD.

They’re more prone to hyperactivity, impulsivity, and poor reasoning.

So when your child can’t sleep, or won’t sleep, you know it’s a big deal. How can you help?

Perfectionist kids, teens, and college students have trouble ignoring their perfectionistic tendencies and focusing on the challenge at hand.

Our brains prevent us from fully engaging because they get so worried about what a poor grade, poor score, or poor performance means about us. Many times, the kids and teens I work with will engage in an anxious spiral. It usually looks something like:

• If I get less than an A on this test, that means I have a bad grade

• If I have a bad grade, that means I’m doing poorly in this class

• I might even fail this class

• And other classes

• And I’ll barely graduate highschool

• And I won’t get into the college I want

• And I won’t be able to go to medical school

• Which means I’ll never be a doctor

• My life will be ruined

But when we take a step back, we can see that the anxiety spiral is little bit out of control.

There’s no way, when we use logic, that getting less than an A on your test means that you’re life is ruined. Our anxious minds just tell us this because they want us to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

Social anxiety! Almost everyone has it.

I'm sure the majority of us, at one point or another, has experienced anxiety about socializing with somebody. That little bit of trepidation before you walk into your first day of work, that hiccup of anxiety as you enter a party, or that discomfort when the person sitting next to you on a plane just keeps asking you questions.

But, those small social anxieties are very different from social phobia.

Rather than experiencing a small amount of anxiety that we can easily push through, having a social phobia means that anxiety is debilitating. You're too anxious about that party, so you never go in in the first place. Rather than going to work on your first day, you call in sick or make up an excuse. 

After sexual assault, rape, or abuse, it’s important to offer support tailored to the survivor.

Some may want to walk through all the details, and others won’t want to talk about it at all. It’s also important to recognize that you can help by getting the survivor to a trained professional - a doctor if there’s been any kind of physical trauma, the police to file a report, and a counselor or psychologist to help with the mental aftermath.

Not everyone who experiences sexual assault will have trauma or ptsd afterward.

But it’s important to look out for the signs, like nightmares, flashbacks, angry outbursts, feeling jumpy, or feeling “out of control.” …

I specialize in both anxiety and anger management for a reason.

Anxiety and anger have a lot in common. If you've ever experienced feelings of anxiety before, consider those physical cues - racing heart, shortness of breath, dilated eyes, inability to focus or concentrate, muscles tensed and ready for action. 

Now, think about the last time you were angry. How your face felt hot and your fists tensed up. How your heart started to beat faster because you were ready for a fight. Your brain focused only on the thing that made you feel this way.

At one point or another, everyone will experience a loss or death - and some of us experience this in high school or college. So how do you deal with the aftermath? DABDA, social media, and reaching out - but there are considerations for everything. 

DABDA 

Many have heard of "the stages of grief"- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. However it's crucial to remember that this isn't a linear progression. You may move through stages in a different order. You may circle back. All of these feelings are acceptable, but allow yourself to recognize that there isn't a correct way or correct order to go through the aftermath of a death or loss in your life. …

When you're looking down the road at another school year, fast approaching, you may be experiencing anxiety. For those of us with more anxious minds, our thoughts start spinning on to "what else can I do, what's coming next, what do I have to worry about, what is going to go wrong this year..."

That's stressful!

So what can you do about it? …

So, here are some tips for starting the school year off right.

Here you are, preparing for the big move: COLLEGE.

And this year is going to be different. You're excited about your coursework, you’re jazzed about meeting new people your age (yes, I'm the kind of lame therapist who uses words like "jazzed"), and you're pumped (also, "pumped") about all of the exciting new opportunities and challenges coming your way.

You've got goals! And plans! So how do you actually follow through on them in college?

Have SMART goals: make sure your resolution is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.

Summer's over, yet again...

And the end of summer can lead to some blue feelings, especially for the start of the school year (highschool, college, even graduate school). And while there can be excitement at the start of the new school year, it can be hard to deal with the anxiety.

Typically, the teens and college students I work with tell me they worry about a more busy schedule, more expectations put on them by parents and teachers, or just knowing that there's less time to fit in impromptu socializing with friends. 

What are some ways you could combat the anxiety and sadness that comes with summer ending? Read more here…

Before opening my private practice...

I worked in schools for a few years, and would often get paired with kids referred for anger management. They'd lose their temper, would knock over desks or run out of the room, and teachers were always at their wit's end.

Of course when that kid got called down to my office, they thought they were in trouble.

It took a few sessions for them to start realizing that I was on their side. And once they became more comfortable, they were willing to start opening up about all the different emotions they experienced. We'd build up relaxation strategies for these different strong feelings, and oftentimes just being told that they weren't the only kid like this helped them to feel better and more in control. One challenge, though, was getting parents and teachers on board to help them see and focus on the positive changes, rather than just the negative behaviors still occurring…

Is generalized anxiety disorder the same as general anxiety? What is the best way to treat children with anxiety disorders?

Generalized anxiety disorder is the diagnostic name for kids, teens, and adults who meet the criteria. Oftentimes people will say they have anxiety, or general anxiety, without quite meaning that they meet all of the criteria. You can find a screening tool* for kids and for adults put together by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (*which gives you information, but you will want to meet with a counselor, social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist for a true screening)…

Some kids are a little embarrassed to have to go to therapy…

but nine times out of ten they become more comfortable with it after the initial session. On top of that, in my professional experience, younger children are super excited to go to counseling because they view it as an opportunity to play and hang out one-on-one with a safe grown up, and through counseling they learn the skills and tools needed to help manage their anxiety.

Stress Is Contagious

This week I have my top three tips to avoid catching someone else's stress. Because, a lot of times, it can feel like anxiety and stress loves company.

1. You have your space, I have mine:

Stress can rub off on you if you let it. Just remember that you are only in charge of yourself, and that means you have this great opportunity to take a step back and focus on you. Sometimes you may want to literally take a step back and go to your office, or take a quick break outside to reconnect with yourself.

…

"From your perspective, what exactly constitutes anger management in children?"

Anger management means helping kids find the tools needed to manage their anxiety, frustration, and temper. I typically utilize CBT to help kids figure out how their thoughts impact their feelings, how their feelings lead to different behaviors, and how they can change that cycle.

Why do kids immediately think the worst about a situation or another child's or teen's actions?

Kids and teens often jump to the worst case scenario when their minds run a little anxious. It’s a self-preservation technique on overdrive. Their anxious mind assumes “so and so pushed me on purpose,” or “those kids laughing in class must be laughing at me,” which leads to a fight, flight, or freeze response.

Stress responses impact emotional and behavioral health in a few ways. 

Physiologically, a stress response leads to increased heart rate, breath rate, pupil dilation, and muscle tension. Your child’s adrenal glands are pumping to prepare them for a fight, flight, or freeze response. It’s a healthy activation. 

What happens with repeated stressors?

But when this stress response gets activated again and again, it becomes maladaptive on the body’s long term health. A higher amount of adverse childhood experiences (stressors) is linked to a greater chance of cancer, drug use, stroke and heart attacks. 

Unsurprisingly, college students with anxiety really need help when it comes to time management. Often, they flip from task to task, and quickly become overwhelmed with trying to do everything at the same time. So, below you'll find a few tips. Please reach out with follow up questions.

5 Tips for Time Management (click to read more!)