Stop and Think: An Anxiety and Anger Management Strategy for Kids
As anger and anxiety specialists in St. Louis, we recognize that anger doesn’t give us the whole picture.
Anxiety and anger have a lot in common. If you've ever experienced feelings of anxiety before, consider those physical cues - racing heart, shortness of breath, dilated eyes, inability to focus or concentrate, muscles tensed and ready for action.
Now, think about the last time you were angry. How your face felt hot and your fists tensed up. How your heart started to beat faster because you were ready for a fight. Your brain focused only on the thing that made you feel this way.
The fight, flight, or freeze response.
When we experience a stressful event, our brain goes in to "fight or flight" mode. Our brains decide whether to stand our ground and fight, run out of the situation, or stay paralyzed.
Anxiety and anger both trigger this response in our brain and bodies.
As adults, many of us have learned to identify what set us off and how to defuse the situation. We are able to experience that immediate fight/flight/freeze reaction, and then send the information to our developed pre-frontal cortex and decide the best course of action. We've already been trained in anger management and anxiety management.
Unfortunately, this rational mind is not fully developed until around age 25. So your child is literally unable to stop the overreaction - unless you train them how.
Stop and Think:
You need take a step back in order to calm down.
The first thing we need to train the brain to do is to STOP and THINK. Our brain assumes we need to be ready to protect ourselves once we experience anger and anxiety. Instead of immediately letting our fight/flight/freeze response take over, we take the time to stop and assess if we're really in danger.
A simple reminder for kids:
"Remember, we have to stop (hold hand up like a stop sign) and think (point finger to front of brain)."
We then explore how our impulsive reaction, such as hitting, kicking, running away, would get us in to trouble. We talk about other ways to handle the situation instead - and these solutions typically start by taking a deep breath to calm down.
Helping children identify situations where they could have used stop and think, instead of reacting right away, is crucial to their development.
Point out characters who did or did not use this strategy when you watch cartoons or read a book with your child.
By applying this information to a lot of different situations, your child will start to be aware of how they can use Stop and Think in real life as well.
What else can you do?
Body Clues Activity
Help your child identify where they experience feelings in their body, so that they can learn crucial emotional awareness skills. Being more in tune about how you feel helps you to stop and think!
CBT for Kids: How to Address Unhelpful Thoughts:
Have you heard about the cognitive triangle? Learn more about how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors all impact one another!
Emotions Elevators: BrainWise Lesson for Anxious, Angry Kids
Best next step: Talk about different LEVELS of your emotions (big, medium, and small).
Read “When Anxiety Makes You Angry: CBT Anger Management Skills for Teens”
Kelsey’s book, being published in 2022, includes this walkthrough. Sign up for our newsletter so you know when you can pre-order!
Talk with a child therapist:
Our anxiety therapist love working with kids, teens, and families. If you’re located in Missouri, we’d love to help:
Curious to hear more, or are you a little reluctant about counseling? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis provides specialized anxiety and anger management therapy for kids, teens, and college students. We work in Clayton, MO and serve kids, teens, and college students throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Coeur, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. You can set up your free phone screening to see if we’re a good fit for your needs right on our website.