Sleep Anxiety, Bedtime Drama, and More with Chris Nosul, St. Louis Sleep Consultant
You’re looking at the clock counting down to bedtime and dreading it! You dream of a peaceful bedtime routine with your sweet child, but the reality is tantrums, crying, nightmares, and losing out on your kid-free time in the evening.
Whether you’re wondering if your child struggles to manage their anxiety at bedtime, or if you need different tools to help you both relax in the evening, there’s help! Our awesome therapists here at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis can help your child, even college students, learn to manage their anxiety or offer you some parent support.
To make sure that you both are being offered the best support possible, we’ve reached out to Chris Nosul, St. Louis Sleep Consultant with Tiny Transitions to learn more about tools for better bedtimes!
What is sleep coaching? Who is sleep coaching for and what ages do you work with?
Chris Nosul, Sleep Consultant
“Sleep coaching is a great way to ensure a more pleasant bedtime for parents and children.”
Sleep coaching is a personalized approach to addressing sleep struggles that can benefit individuals of all ages. By working collaboratively with a sleep coach, individuals can develop strategies to promote better sleep and create a healthier lifestyle.
Just like everything in life you wouldn’t use the same techniques for a baby as you would for a toddler, teenager or adult. Each sleep client’s coaching is personalized to meet their individual need. During their time with me, my sleep clients receive a customized plan based on the information received on our preliminary intake call. The plan provides information on how we will achieve the goals we set. Clients then have 3 weeks of continued support to ensure we solve any roadblocks that may happen along the way and get you to your desired results.
No matter your age, lack of sleep can have serious effects on your health and mood. I work with all ages to ensure the proper technique is used to help everyone achieve their goals.
How can sleep coaching make bedtime a more pleasant experience for parents and their anxious children here in St. Louis?
Sleep coaching is a great way to ensure a more pleasant bedtime for parents and children. Children are creatures of habit and having a consistent bedtime routine is very important. As part of sleep coaching, we walk through common obstacles such as room setup and bedtime routine. All children respond better when they know the next steps and outcomes to their behaviors. In sleep coaching we work to build a consistent bedtime routine that prepares children for sleep.
Walk us through how separation anxiety can affect children at bedtime:
Separation anxiety can have a major impact on children at bedtime, often leading to difficulty sleeping or staying asleep. Children may become agitated and cry when separated from their parents or caregivers, even for brief periods of time. They may also experience heightened fear of the dark, nightmares or sleepwalking.
Some children use stall tactics while some will just break down when parents leave. Sometimes this is related to a change in the home or a new developmental issue. When children start showing signs of separation anxiety it is always good to talk to them to understand if there are any underlying issues.
Parents can help reduce their child's separation anxiety by providing consistent bedtime routines. They should try to avoid reinforcing negative behavior by rewarding their child with attention every time they act out, but instead focus on offering words of support and understanding when they are struggling with feelings of anxiety.
When would sleep coaching not be a good fit?
Sleep coaching is the process of creating positive habits around sleep. I think anyone can benefit from sleep coaching as the process works through positive changes around sleep hygiene. Sleep Training might not be a good fit if a child has gone through a trauma or if the parents are not ready to commit to enforcing changes.
The difference between sleep training and coaching is that in coaching we work on the whole situation to ensure every aspect of sleep is covered, while training talks about the process of teaching children to self-settle. I always use the analogy that my 8 year old is learning to tie his shoes right now. When he is practicing tying them he gets upset and complains. If I went in there and tied it every time he would never learn, so instead I support him by showing him how to do it and even help him with the hard steps the first time. Sleep is an important skill, even more important than tying shoes.
When would you recommend a parent consider child anxiety counseling in addition to sleep coaching?
Before I start working with any new children, I complete a screening to ensure that there is nothing medical that could be the problem and that everyone is committed. If their children have special needs or might have a medical issue, I recommend medical intervention. With special needs children I have found that they respond very well to consistency, so sleep coaching should still be a goal and we have a specialist on our team to work with special needs children.
Once I start working with a family, I observe how parents are responding. If the parents are following what we talked about after 5-6 days and a habit is persistent, I would suggest parents look for additional counseling services.
When would you recommend parent coaching, or even therapy for parents, in addition to sleep coaching?
I personally would recommend parent coaching or therapy if there has been a trauma, or as I stated before, if I suspect underlying issues after 5-6 days. Parent coaching is always a great complement to sleep coaching because they build off each other to set positive relationships and appropriate boundaries for children. A lot of times as children start getting more sleep, we find they respond better to other issues and are in a better mood overall.
Parent coaching or therapy can be beneficial in addition to sleep coaching for many families. Parents may benefit from the guidance and support of a coach or therapist when their child's sleep struggles are complicated by additional underlying issues such as anxiety, depression, behavior difficulties, or special needs. In many cases, therapy can help parents develop positive coping strategies to better help them deal with their family dynamic.
Feeling like you could use some extra support?
Our parent support program is like therapy for parents, helping you come up with a plan to stay calm while you help your child settle in for the night, no matter what they may throw your way.
What general tips do you have for parents whose children are anxious at bedtime?
Parents of anxious children at bedtime can use a few general strategies to make bedtime less stressful and more enjoyable. Establishing consistent bedtime rules and expectation can provide structure which can help both parent and children feel more secure. Creating special routines that focus on calming activities like reading stories, playing quiet music or meditation exercises, like deep breathing, can make the sleep transition easier while establishing positive associations with sleep.
My number 1 tip is to be consistent so that children know what to expect next. I like to recommend clients use a timer with their bedtime routine this way children know when an activity is over, this helps to prevent stalling.
Share one fun fact about yourself.
One fun fact. I have 4 children born every other year 2014, 2016, 2018, and 2020. So I have been through what parents are going through and I am still going through it!
How can parents learn more and contact you about the program?
To learn more about Tiny Transitions and our gentle, effective, no cry-it out approach to Sleep Coaching, the Sleep Steps Methodology, please visit Tiny Transitions.
Facebook: Sleep Forward Family – Facebook Group
Instagram: @tinytransitions
Curious to hear more about counseling for you or your child? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis provides specialized anxiety and anger management therapy for kids, teens, and college students. We work in Clayton, MO and serve kids, teens, and college students throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Coeur, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. You can set up your free phone screening to see if we’re a good fit for your needs right on our website.