Bedtime Battles: How to Help Your Child Sleep Better
We know firsthand how hard bedtime can be - even when you know what to do!
So many families that our St. Louis therapist team at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis work with struggle with bed time, especially when their kids are anxious, angry, or overwhelmed. Before you visit us here at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, there are a few foundational strategies you can try at home.
Compassionate Counseling St. Louis Tip #1: Create a Predictable Sleep Routine
We often think of a sleep schedule as simply a bedtime and a wake-up time, but kids need more structure than that. Compassionate Counseling St. Louis founder, Kelsey Torgerson Dunn, recommends mapping out the entire evening routine - from after school until lights out.
Ask yourself a few questions:
What happens when they get home - homework? TV?
When is dinner, and what are they doing while you cook?
What time do you start the bedtime routine?
What’s the specific order? (Bath → PJs → Brush teeth → Book → Meditation)
Visual schedules can be really helpful here. Post a chart on the wall and walk your child through it. Be clear and consistent. Set firm boundaries, this might look like one chapter, not two - even if they beg for more.
Image Credit: Unsplash Ben Griffiths @benofthenorth
Compassionate Counseling St. Louis Tip #2: Plan for What Happens When They Resist
Even with a great schedule, many kids resist bedtime. That’s normal. What helps is setting expectations in advance, including what happens if rules aren’t followed.
Try this:
Give a direction clearly.
Wait 5 - 10 seconds.
Repeat the direction with a reminder of the consequence.
If they still resist, follow through calmly.
Consequences might include:
Losing a privilege (TV tomorrow)
Shortened story time
A time-in or quiet reset time
Staying calm is essential. If you escalate, your child likely will too. A calm, confident parent helps regulate an anxious or overwhelmed child.
Compassionate Counseling St. Louis Tip #3: Build in More Relaxation Than You Think You Need
Include playfulness and connection in your routine. Dance parties, silly toothbrushing, bath time tea parties - these don’t just help your child unwind, they help you both connect.
This connection fills their “parent cup,” easing the separation when it’s time to say goodnight. You might also try:
We use all of these tools in child anxiety therapy and parent coaching.
Compassionate Counseling St. Louis Tip #4: Insight from Kelsey
In this video, I’m sharing some of my go-to strategies for building a smoother, more peaceful bedtime routine, both as a child therapist and as a mom. We’ll talk about how to create a consistent sleep schedule, use calming techniques to wind down, and keep things low-stress during those often-chaotic bedtime moments.
If you’ve tried all the tricks and things still feel hard, it might be time to check in with a therapist who specializes in childhood anxiety. Sleep struggles are often connected to what’s happening emotionally during the day. And when we work on that anxiety, bedtime usually gets easier too.
What If My Child Is Still Struggling?
If your child still can’t fall asleep after 30 minutes of lights out—even with structure, boundaries, and connection—it may be time to dig deeper.
Kids with anxiety or anxiety-driven anger often struggle more at bedtime. When everything is finally quiet, their brain ramps up with racing thoughts, what-ifs, or intense feelings.
Here’s what to consider:
Are we managing anxiety throughout the day?
Do they have daily coping tools (breathing, movement, mindfulness)?
Are they getting enough play time to make them physically tired?
Are their emotions - especially anger - possibly masking anxiety?
If you're unsure, a consultation with a child therapist in St. Louis (or online anywhere in Missouri) can help. Sometimes what looks like anger is really fear or worry bubbling up. You can schedule a free consultation at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis to learn more about how the expert St. Louis therapist team can help your child.
Therapy Can Help—And You’re Not Alone
Sleep struggles don’t mean you’re doing something wrong. They’re a sign that your child’s nervous system might need more support - and that’s something we specialize in at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis.
Whether it’s child therapy, parent coaching, or strategies for anxiety therapy in St. Louis, Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is here to help you figure out your next step.
Parent Support is Available!
We know that bedtime routines can be hard to establish and maintain. And you don’t have to figure it out alone! Our parent coaches are ready to help you set the right routine unique to your family. Reach out today to learn more!
You don’t have to go it alone.
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, we provide gentle, supportive individual counseling for kids, teens, and college students who are struggling with anxiety and anxiety-related anger. We understand how anxiety can disrupt daily life, especially when it comes to winding down for a peaceful bedtime. We’d love to connect with you, reach out today for a free consultation call and learn how one of our St. Louis anxiety specialists can help your child.
Curious to learn more about counseling for sleep struggles, anxiety and anxiety-driven anger? Wondering if Compassionate Counseling St. Louis could be a good fit for you or your child? Reach out to us at hello@compassionatecounselingstl.com. As child anxiety experts, we love working with kids, teens, college students and parents to help manage their anxiety, stress, and anger. Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is located in Clayton, MO and works with families by offering both in-person counseling and online therapy throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. We also provide online therapy Missouri -wide to teens and college students. You can set up your first free consult on this website, on our consultation page.
