Helping Professionals Interview Series: Parent Coaching with Ashley Patek
St. Louis Counseling - Anxiety Counseling in St. Louis for Kids, Teens and College
With an awesome team of anxiety counselors in St. Louis, and many years of private practice under our belt, we have a pretty good idea of the trends in our consultation calls.
At the start of the school year, calls always pick up, with parents worried about anxiety, anger management, stress, and perfectionism.
School is a big stressor - at school, of course, but at home, too.
And as a parent, when your child or teen is struggling, you struggle, too. From navigating behaviors and emotions to the general development of your child, as a parent, you may often think you’re not good enough, you’re not doing it right, or you’re failing.
It’s not always you.
Ashley Patek, Parent Coach
Sometimes figuring out how to understand your child or to make your family dynamic work is just challenging, but with the right tools that come with support through parent coaching, you’ll feel equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
This week we interviewed St. Louis parent coach Ashley Patek to take a look into her parent coaching approach.
Why did you choose to become a Parent Coach in St. Louis?
I once heard that where your heartache lies, so too does your passion. My heartache is with children who live without internal and external safety, and so I am passionate about advocating for the children we raise and for the child within.
There are so many families around the world who are struggling together, alone. Many parents feel lost, afraid, and overwhelmed. We battle fatigue, depletion, distraction, and thin resources. We share similar parenting difficulties but hesitate to talk about them due to fear of judgment. We want to know, “Is this normal?” and “Why does my child do this?” and “How can I stop yelling, punishing, or feeling out of control?”
For these reasons, I became a parent coach.
I am invested in big change. Change that gently shakes the whole home. Change that is sustainable and life-giving because we’ve reset the foundation. We have written new stories. We have taken the time to understand who we are and who our children are.
Our St. Louis Counseling team primarily focused on CBT in St. Louis. What kind of treatment do you provide?
I offer conscious parenting and re-parenting services through private sessions for parents who want to make big shifts; Voxer coaching for busy parents stuck in a tricky parenting phase; Empathic Witnessing sessions for those seeking deep reparative work with their inner child; and I host parenting workshops and PD events.
My focus is on attachment trauma, nervous system regulation (sensory, emotional, and behavioral), somatic experiencing, child development, internal family systems, mindfulness, non-violent communication, and trauma-informed inner child healing.
Who are your favorite types of clients to work with?
My favorite clients are imperfect parents who make mistakes (all of us!). I find that my clients who experience the biggest shifts are those who view parenting as an invitation for self-growth. They come seeking change, are open and receptive, and have a willingness to make internal changes for the external health of their home.These parents want to understand and accept their child as they are and are able to see (or have the potential to see) their child as a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things.
What happens during a first appointment with you?
Parents have two ways of entry.
The first is a free 45-minute consultation. This allows me to better understand your current parenting pain points, your parenting values and north stars, and your parenting goals. After deepening my understanding of your unique family, I offer a few tangible tools you can start now to shift your home. From there, we talk about which program best suits your family (3-month, 1-month, or Voxer).
The second entry point is the “Is This Normal?” Conscious Parenting Session where we identify your parenting values, patterns, triggers, and hidden goals and take your first steps into understanding your child’s unique development. After offering some actionable steps to navigate tricky moments, we will discuss which program best suits your family (3-month, 1-month, or Voxer).
What can parents expect to leave with after working with you?
This experience is not only an invitation to connect more deeply with Self but also with your partner/co-parent and your children.
Parents can expect to leave with more self-awareness; more self-discipline and patience; more tools for self-regulation, boundary-setting, and empowered communication; and more self-compassion as they forgive their parenting past (we all make mistakes and pitfall into old wounding patterns from time to time). I serve as a guide by the side, and so this experience is a safe place to feel seen, heard, and validated.
Parents can also expect to leave with more understanding and compassion for their children, more confidence in their leadership, and more workable scripts and conscious tools for their parenting toolbox + guidance on how to parent on the same page as their partner.
Could you talk a little about your approach and how it plays into your work with parents/families?
Conscious parent coaching offers gentle guidance, holding up a mirror to our patterned beliefs and reactive habits. In doing this inner work, we develop new thinking, feeling, and behavior patterns. We become free to redesign our parenting values and parent in a way that honors those values. We become sturdy leaders who model emotional regulation and who guide with curiosity and empathy. We set respectful boundaries and help our children creatively problem-solve. This builds the foundation for us to become our child’s growth partner, which creates a sense of safety for our children and strengthens our relationship with them.
My approach is parent and family-centric. Below are the 3 layers of my process:
You, the parent. Here we may: Establish personal values; make peace with your parenting past; identify your current parenting patterns; understand the origin of your triggers; create a dialogue with your inner child and protective parts; examine your fears, limiting beliefs, and projections; learn somatic, mindfulness and self-regulation tools to consciously respond (instead of passively reacting) to your children.
Your child. Here we may: Understand your child's emotions and behaviors through the lens of attachment and development; invite internal safety through appropriate expectations; uncover their unmet needs to get to the root of their challenges; recognize your child’s unique trigger thresholds and meltdown language; and practice acceptance for the essential beings they are.
Conscious discipline tools. In choosing tools for greater connection and cooperation, we create a home where everyone in the system feels seen and heard. Parenting tools are unique to each family as each family system is unique. Topics may include establishing sturdy leadership; setting boundaries; establishing family values; navigating transitions and routines; managing sibling rivalry; effective co-regulation, empowered communication, and creative problem-solving; and tools for repair.
As anxiety counselors in St. Louis, we know anxiety can look a lot of different ways. What general tips do you have for parents of anxious kids?
I believe it begins with the parent. Take a moment to notice your relationship with anxiousness. What does it feel like, and where do you feel in your body? What causes you to feel anxious, and how do you respond? How do you respond to your child’s anxiety? These somatic and mindfulness tools bring awareness to the energy we give to our anxious feelings and how we respond to our child’s experience. When we can self-regulate, we can then co-regulate with our children.
A tool when working with your children is to help them notice the feeling in their body and talk to it as if it were a part of them, not all of them. As you uncover the trigger to their experience and help them notice when that feeling arises, they can create a dialogue with it, which can decrease the intensity of the emotion. From here, explore various regulation tools with your child, such as a mantra. Mantras are rhythmic and predictable and offer your child a sense of control in their experience.
How can people learn more and contact you?
I can be reached through my website for a free consultation and an initial “Is This Normal?” Parenting Session. I can also be reached by email.
Share one fun fact about you that most people don’t know.
Parent Coach—Ashley Patek
I wrote and published children’s book called Heart’s Treasure Hunt. My dream is to one day write a book published for adults.
You can find more about Ashley and parent coaching at:
Curious to learn more about anxiety therapy for kids, teens, and college students in St. Louis? Wondering if you need to connect with a therapist in St. Louis? Compassionate Counseling St. Louis specializes in anxiety therapy for teens, kids, and college students, along with partnering with parents through parent coaching - basically therapy for parents here in St. Louis. We’re located in Clayton and work with clients throughout the St. Louis region. To schedule a free phone consultation, please use our contact page.
