Anxious Kids Need Calm Grownups: Self-Regulation Tips for Parents on Halloween
Halloween brings a mix of excitement and stress, for kids and adults alike! While the traditions and creativity can be fun, they also come with new noises and images, crowds, and a lot of energy. For children who experience anxiety, this can be overstimulating. But what many caregivers don’t realize is how much their own self-regulation matters for their anxious kids too.
When children are feeling dysregulated, they often look to their caregivers to decide whether something is safe or not. During the holidays, and especially around the costumes and energy of Halloween, it’s important to navigate your overwhelm in order to help them navigate theirs.
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, we specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for children, teens, and college students. And we know that being a parent of a child, teen or college student comes with its own set of challenges, which is why we offer parent coaching at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis.
Image Credit: Unsplash Danielle Peters @daniellealanah
The Impact of Adult Anxiety on Anxious Kids
It’s completely natural and normal to feel anxious when your child is distressed. You want to help. You want to fix it. You want them to feel better immediately.
But when your response is driven by your own anxiety - whether your response is over-reassurance, hovering, or quickly trying to remove the stressor - it can actually reinforce your child’s fears by sending the message: "You’re right—this is too much."
Some common well-meaning, but sometimes unhelpful responses, include:
Over-reassurance: “You’re fine, you’re fine, nothing bad will happen, I promise!”
Immediate rescue: “Okay, let’s just go home. You don’t have to deal with this.”
High emotional mirroring: Matching their panic with your own frustration, worry, or urgency.
These responses feel supportive in the moment, but over time, they can teach a child that they’re not capable of handling distress or that they always need someone else to regulate this distress for them.
What Helps: CBT-Informed Regulation Strategies for Parents
Helping your child cope with Halloween anxiety starts with your own self-regulation. When you stay steady, your child’s nervous system picks up on that stability, even when they’re struggling.
Here are some CBT-informed strategies to help you stay grounded so you can model calm and confidence:
1. Notice and Name Your Own Feelings
Awareness is the first step. Ask yourself:
What about Halloween stresses me out?
Am I feeling pressure for things to go a certain way?
Do I worry about judgment from others about my child’s behavior?
Naming your own emotions (“I’m feeling overwhelmed too”) allows you to pause, take a breath, and respond with intention instead of reactivity.
2. Practice Regulated Breathing
Something as simple as a slow breath—in for four, out for six—can shift your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode. When you regulate your body, you’re better equipped to help your child regulate.
Bonus: when your child sees you breathe, they’re more likely to try it themselves.
You can find some paced breathing strategies in the Compassionate Counseling St. Louis blog on Wave Breathing.
3. Replace Over-Reassurance with Confident Support
Instead of responding to your child with “You’re okay! Nothing’s wrong!,” try more validating statements like:
“I can see this is feeling big right now, and I know you can handle it.”
“It’s okay to feel nervous. Let’s take it one step at a time.”
These types of statements communicate both empathy and confidence in your child’s ability to cope - important messages for managing anxiety long-term.
4. Tolerate Their Discomfort Without Making It Yours
It’s hard to watch your child struggle. But rushing to “fix” discomfort sometimes teaches avoidance instead of resilience.
Instead, remind yourself: “My child can be uncomfortable, and I can be calm.”
Remember, your job isn’t to remove every bump in the road - it’s to walk alongside them as they learn how to navigate it.
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Support for Parents is Here!
We know parenting can be tough sometimes. It’s normal to not always know what to do to help support your anxious child. This is why we offer Therapeutic Parent Coaching at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis - because parents need support too.
Extra Support for Parents is Available
If your child’s anxiety feels like more than you can manage alone - or if you’d like support learning how to respond in more helpful, grounded ways - we’re here for you.
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, we specialize in CBT for kids, teens, and families. We work with both kids and parents to create real, lasting change through skill-building, not just symptom-soothing.
Reach out today to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call to learn more about how the team at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis can support you as a parent and your child.
Curious to learn more about support for your child and your family at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis? Reach out to us at hello@compassionatecounselingstl.com. As child anxiety experts, we love working with kids, teens, college students and parents to help manage their anxiety, stress, and anger. Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is located in Clayton, MO and works with families throughout St. Louis City, St. Louis County, Ladue, University City, Town and Country, Webster Groves, Creve Couer, Kirkwood, Richmond Heights, and Brentwood. We also provide online therapy Missouri wide to teens and college students. You can set up your first free consult on this website, on our consultation page.