When you’re looking for help with your or your child’s anxiety or OCD, you want a specialist - not just someone who is ok working with it.

That’s why I’m so excited to have interviewed Angela Adamson, a fellow anxiety specialist located here in St. Louis.

“One of the most effective skills for treating anxiety is doing exposures. Exposures are how we test out beliefs. I work with you and your child to develop a step-by-step, achievable plan to test out fears. When we face our fears while using cognitive tools, we can rewire the way our brain processes anxiety. Over time, when people change both their thoughts and behaviors around anxiety, the symptoms of anxiety start to decrease.“

What do you wish people knew about getting treatment for anxiety disorders?

I wish people knew how treatable anxiety disorders are when you have the right skills. It's not easy, but it is absolutely treatable. I also wish more people knew how strong they really are EVEN when they feel anxiety.

Our brains are in charge of everything we do. We take in information, and we send that information where it needs to go.

Every brain has both a relay center, and amygdala, and a pre-frontal cortex. In BrainWise, we say that your emotional response (the fight/flight/freeze response) is driven by your Lizard Brain. Your pre-frontal cortex, which helps you to stop and think, is your Wizard Brain.

The BrainWise curriculum was designed to help kids build social and emotional control and self-regulation skills. When I previously worked in the Saint Louis Counseling School Partnership Program, I received training in this program, and still use components of it in my practice today. To be clear, I’m not TECHNICALLY providing brainwise as I’m not maintaining really strict fidelity with the model. I have a whole walkthrough on the modules in an earlier post. This week, I want to walk you through how I introduce the model in my individual work with angry and anxious kids.

I strongly encourage parents, teachers or therapists to consider buying the BrainWise curriculum if these seem like helpful tools.

Offering Trauma Informed Yoga for youth who have experienced trauma, have anxiety, mental health, special needs, and for kids who love yoga!

Melissa Dierker, BSW, CYT, CPYT is the owner and instructor at Complete Harmony STL Yoga for Youth. Complete Harmony STL offers yoga classes for kids throughout the year, including the summer - and as they’re expanding into their new space, they’re looking at offering specific Spring Break and Summer Break yoga classes next year.

What transformation do you see over the course of yoga groups?

One thing I LOVE seeing is the community and relationships that are formed in our classes. A lot of times we have kids who have difficulties making friends, who are to overwhelmed to be in classes, or who have so many friends they don't know how to allow space for others. Watching kids navigate peer relationships, while also tuning into who they are and where they are is wonderful. We also see kids reminding us of shapes, breath work, or activities that they remember from class or tried at home and how those things helped them when they needed it most.

How does your yoga staff jump in to help when a kid starts to melt down?

DBT Class With Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Kirsten Gilbert

When your teen experiences stress, anxiety, and perfectionism, you want them to find the best options for help. One great resource in the St. Louis area is Kirsten Gilbert, PhD. Kirsten is leading a RO-DBT class this summer, starting June 17th.

What’s the story behind the program, and why do you like the work?

Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO DBT) is an evidenced based adaptation of standard DBT that targets 'over-controlled' personality. Although self-control is valued in our society and is helpful, too much self-control, in the form of over-control, can lead to a variety of problems that easily go unnoticed and are difficult to treat. Over-control is often characterized by inflexibility/rigidity, rule-governed and perfectionistic behaviors and over-controlled individuals are often shy, risk-averse, tend to suppress or hide emotions, don't like making mistakes and often feel socially awkward, anxious, or lonely. Over-control is a personality style that characterizes many disorders, including some forms of depression, anxiety, and anorexia nervosa.

I like this work because we help over-controlled teens relax rigid rules, be open to new situations and feedback, help them learn how to play more and how to socially connect with others.

In society today, teens have so much pressure to always be working harder, longer, and to be perfect, and RO DBT recognizes that some individuals are almost TOO good at this. These teens need to learn how to be flexible, interact socially, and learn how to make mistakes every once in a while.

Spotlighting great programs in St. Louis:

This summer, Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is spotlighting summer programs that provide awesome services for anxious, angry kids and teens. This week we’re looking at Leaps and Bounds Occupational Therapy.

I’ve toured the Leaps and Bounds campus, and I love how they integrate OT to help kids managing their emotions. Read below for some great, interesting answers about their summer camp programs.

What supports do you provide for parents?

We offer occupational therapy, speech/ language therapy and feeding therapy. Our programming includes both individual and group options.  Therapy can focus on a variety of skills, but some of the areas that we address include: sensory processing, feeding, communication, literacy, attention, behaviors, motor skills, emotional regulation, executive function and social skills. We also provide home programs for parents to help facilitate progress during the course of therapy. 

We also offer summer camp options.

Our camp is much smaller in size than a typical summer camp and we can offer more supports to help kids be successful. We get excited each year to see kids create friendships and increase confidence in our summer camps.

How do you help kids who have behavioral issues?

​As licensed occupational therapists, it is our job to look at why the behavior is happening and figure out the best plan to manage it. Sometimes, the behavior is a result of poor sensory processing. In those situations, we would determine if we need to alter something in the environment to help the child or remove the stimulus.  We address behaviors differently depending on the reason they are occurring. Our goal is to help each child feel confident, comfortable and successful within the group.

Mindfulness should be more than an “every now and then” kind of thing.

If you only practice mindfulness when you’re already upset, you may calm down in the moment - but it’s harder to reach for the skill when you need it. It’s much more effective to set up a daily practice, and really reinforce this skill.

The foundation for all of this? Being in the moment.

So today, let’s practice just sitting.

Does Anxiety Ever Really Go Away?

After 8 weeks of talking about anxiety at different ages, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed.

Or, maybe you just gulped down the information and are hungry for more.

But I think one of the tricky things we need to keep in mind about anxiety is that it never really goes away. It’s always there, even if it looks different from pre-school through college. As I say on my homepage, “Whether your pre-schooler has behavioral issues or your highschooler gets caught up in the small stuff…” I could include in that statement:

• Whether your child has separation anxiety or your college student is a perfectionist

• Whether your teen has anger management problems or your child gets tummy aches every other day

• Whether you feel overwhelmed and on edge, or you feel like you’re at the end of your rope parenting a child who gets so overwhelmed so quickly

Is my teen actually ready for college?

College is a big step for anyone, and especially for teens who have struggled emotionally throughout high school. Big transitions are difficult for anyone. And while your teen may be excited about this new adventure, you as a parent may be experiencing conflicting emotions.

On the one hand, you’re ready for them to succeed.

On the other, you worry that you haven’t done enough to prepare them.

Is the Drive to Succeed and Be the Best a Double Edged Sword?

Friends, I don’t know if I would own my private practice if I wasn’t a bit of a perfectionist. I’m not sure if I would have the drive to put in all of the time, energy, and effort into running a business if I didn’t feel this nervous undercurrent about being successful.

And at the same time, I know that anxiety feels like a motivator because it wants us to keep using it. It tricks us into feeling that we wouldn’t work without it.

So every day in my business, and every day that I’m working at home or checking emails past normal business hours, I take a step back and remind myself: I’m working hard because of my values, not because of my anxiety.

Because anxiety is always going to end up getting in the way.

It will grow too big and it will keep us from succeeding. Which is what we must teach our successful teenagers as well.

Temper tantrums, conduct disorder, school behaviors, over control, fighting with siblings - all of these anger management problems can actually be signs of anxiety.

Many parents are surprised to hear that their child with disruptive behaviors could have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety and anger operate on very similar physiological responses in the body, meaning that increased heart rate, breathing, and muscle tension can lead to an anxious reaction or an angry one. It’s very important for parents to ask themselves:

Is my child angry, or just anxious?

“My child won’t go to school anymore - now what?”

Children with anxiety often have trouble in the school setting, regardless of how that anxiety is presenting. You may have a child with separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, or specific fears about the school environment. All three of these diagnoses can play out in a myriad of ways - but regardless of how the anxiety looks, it can leave you feeling helpless as a parent.

Anxiety often becomes more noticeable in elementary school, because of the environment.

There’s a huge switch from getting to stay at home or in a small daycare to having to attend school 5 days of the week.

Parenting an anxious child can be anxiety provoking in and of itself.

And if you’re a parent who is already prone to anxiety, seeing your child develop their anxiety can bring up some uncomfortable emotions for yourself. Many parents I work with report feeling guilt, shame, anger, frustration, fear, sadness, and so on about the impact that their anxiety has on their kids.

But what if we took a step back from all the shame and guilt?

Let’s figure out what goes into anxiety before blaming ourselves.

“Am I making my child’s anxiety worse?”

“I always was anxious as a kid, and so I’m worried my child gets it from me.”

“I have anxiety, too, so I know it’s my fault.”

Parents often call me with these questions and comments. As a parent, it can be hard when you see your child struggling with the exact same issues that you had. You want to help them, and you also feel a little bit…guilty. Maybe it’s your fault they’re this way.

But it’s really not your fault

And feeling guilty, even if it makes sense, doesn’t make things easier. So let’s take a step back and figure out what is leading to your child’s anxiety in the first place.

Starting next week, we’ll begin our 8 week series on anxiety and parenting - and there’s a lot that we’ll be digging into:

1. The Building Blocks of Anxiety

2. Managing Your Own Anxiety as a Parent

3. Parenting Anxious Pre-Schoolers and Elementary Schoolers

4. Anxiety and Parenting a Child with Anger Management Issues (spoiler: it’s probably anxiety related as well!)

5. Perfectionism and Parenting Your Highschooler

6. Preparing Your Highschooler for College

7. Out of the Nest: How to Parent Your Anxiety-Driven College Student

8. Moving Forward and Next Steps

That’s a lot of info… so why am I covering all of this?

Last week we talked about meditation at home vs. trying out a meditation class as a family.

For those of you who want to give meditation a try (and recognize it’s benefits for anxiety, anger management, and building compliance in your little ones), read on!

Floating leaves meditation:

Meditation practice is a huge part of what we work on in therapy. One of my favorite guided meditations that I utilize is called the floating leaves meditation. Rather than trying to switch your brain off or stop all thoughts, you want to just let them float by. 

I always recommend thy parents help to build a meditation practice together with their kids.

The trick is, though, like all other skills, meditation becomes so much easier with practice. That calm centeredness is much easier to recall and use when you’ve actually had some regular meditation practice.

Deciding between meditating in a class vs. trying meditation at home?

So, for those deciding between classes and at home, I would recommend at least trying a class to see if guided meditation feels easier than alone. Sometimes we get focused on stopping our thoughts (which is impossible) rather than just letting out thoughts gently pass us by, and a good meditation coach will help you still your thoughts in a non judgmental way, and will give you tips you can use at home.

The whole family can benefit from meditation and mindfulness practice, but it might be easier to do it together in your own space.

You can also try online or different apps for meditation

One of the most important components of stress management and a busy schedule is prioritizing.

A lot of the anxious, perfectionist teens and college students I work with feel overwhelmed by the amount of things to get done during the busy school year.

Rather than letting all of those tasks feel insurmountable, you can break down what needs to be done and when. Figure out the steps needed to reach your goal, and keep those steps really specific and time-sensitive (such as, "I need to research 10 articles for this upcoming history paper by Tuesday," vs. just "I need to start work on my history paper.")

Productivity is crucial, but so is restorative time.

It's also important for teens and college students to build in lots of self-regulation and coping time. So, schedule it in.

Along with breaking down homework into manageable, tasks, add 5 or 10 minutes of a guided meditation, walk outside, or listening to calm music.

Sunday scaries and college go hand in hand.

What are Sunday Scaries? That sense of dread before the work or school week starts back up again.

Some dread about the end of the weekend is common, but if it’s having a profound impact on you, it should be looked at

Stomach aches and headaches and anxiety in kids:

When does anxiety in children become a medical concern?

You may notice that your child is a worrier. When you schedule a babysitter, your kid has prepared a list of interview questions to ask the sitter before being ok with it. When you're 5 minutes late to picking them up, they're in tears. They need to walk through any potential problems and come up with five solutions whenever faced with a new situation. You're happy to help! But when is it too much?

Anxiety is a concern when it gets in the way of "typical" functioning.

While some kids are more prone to worries than others, anxiety becomes a concern when it impacts their day-to-day functioning. So, instead of being in tears that you're five minutes late, they've had a huge blow-up and are waiting for you in the principal's office. Or, walking in to school on the first day, they're paralyzed and can't move from your side. They have trouble maintaining friendships. They consistently experience stomachaches and headaches, due to their ongoing stress.